Dark Patterns in Management
Don't do it...
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People management as an established discipline has been around since the late 19th and early 20th century. It gained prominence during the peak of the Industrial Revolution, when companies needed to devise methods for organizing and motivating large groups of people to achieve maximum productivity. By all measures, this field should have become a well-established one. Something you can learn in school. A science. But it hardly is. In fact, it is nowhere close to it. This is because people management involves managing people, and people are ever-evolving.
Every generation that enters the workforce brings its own unique demands to the table, and when enough of the workforce is shaped in a specific way demographically, companies have no choice but to give up their old ways and adapt to the next generation, causing a shift in management philosophy. Because it is such an ever-evolving discipline, schools can’t really teach this. 2+2 might not be 4 if the first 2 are millennials and the next two are Gen Z employees. Thankfully, there are many independent thought leaders (ahem, me), people leaders, academics, etc, who fill this gap by writing extensively about this topic. Large technology companies often have extensive training programs they run for new managers.
I myself have written extensively about how to ‘do management’ the right way, but I have never written about the ‘don’ts’. Specifically, there is a set of unwritten dark patterns in management that you will most likely never learn from a book, your manager, or your new manager orientation at your company. Most likely, you will find out that what you did was a dark pattern AFTER you have committed the said dark pattern. This post is a deep dive into the ‘don’ts’. Let’s dive into some of the most egregious ones!
Snoopervising - This is when a manager tries to indirectly supervise somebody else’s employee. This typically pops up in large cross-functional teams, where an employee may report to a manager and also have additional deliverables that are managed by another manager overseeing the project the employee is working on. It might be easier for the manager/project leader to directly give tasks and direction to the employee instead of the employee’s direct manager, who might not have all the context of the project or might not even be attached to the project. It starts out with just task assignments, and sometimes it will veer into career conversations, promotions, salary increases, and everything else that really should be between the employee and their direct manager.
If you are a manager dealing with a cross-functional employee, it is completely OK to directly work with the employee on project-related tasks, but keep the employee’s direct manager in the loop at all times. And I mean at ALL TIMES. Also, regularly check in with the direct manager to ensure you are not crossing any boundaries.
However, it is completely unacceptable to direct them in personal or career development-related topics like career growth, salary negotiations, promotions, etc. For example, it's not ok to say stuff like, “You should ask for a 10% raise” directly to an employee who doesn’t report to you. It is okay to give advice, but don’t promise them anything. If you do offer any career advice, make sure to inform their direct manager as well, and make it clear to them that your POV is just advice and they should have that conversation with their direct manager. I have seen numerous instances where a manager tries to promise something to an employee who doesn’t report to them without consulting their direct manager, and it almost always ends in disaster.
Why is it bad to discuss all this directly? Because you don’t have all the context. You don’t know what their salary history is. You don’t know what their prior performance ratings were. You don’t know about the prior conversations they have had with their direct manager or HR. Imagine the heartache everybody has to experience if you offer a job to them on your team, only to find out they are in the midst of a performance improvement plan. Similarly, imagine if you push the employee to ask for a raise, not knowing that they got a huge bump the previous year. There are multiple quicksand pits waiting to suck everyone in if you are not careful. Bottom line is, push the employee to have these conversations with their direct manager, and if their direct manager isn’t being helpful, ask them to reach out to HR.
Pulling a Shaggy - This is when you privately blame your boss for a business decision you had previously disagreed and committed to. When you don’t own a tough message that needs to be passed down to your team and instead say, ‘It wasn’t me’, or, ‘my boss made me do it’, it is sending a strong message to your team that you don’t have any say in the future of the team and the team is basically puppet mastered by someone above.
Your team will most likely sympathize with you privately, but the overall engagement of the team will drop. Bottom line is, if you have decided to disagree and commit, commit fully. Yes, your team will most likely dislike you in the short term, but as long as you believe in the long-term decision-making capabilities of your leadership team, you will be OK. And more importantly, it will allow you to preserve your future autonomy. If you keep pulling a Shaggy, your team and eventually your boss will lose trust in you.
Backstab - There are many ways manager backstab their peers in the workplace. Let’s dig into the most common ones.
Abuse Confirmation Bias - Some managers use confirmation bias to build a relationship with their boss or peers. I.e, they will agree to every stance the other person takes, even if some of them are wrong and paint certain leaders or teams in a negative light. A lot of people do this unintentionally because talking trash about someone together is an easy way to build a relationship. However, remember that commiserating without discussing solutions can only lead to toxic relationships. At some point, the other person will realize, ‘All I do is complain when I talk to this manager.’
It is also very possible that the person you are trash-talking about also finds out about it and confronts you about it. This doesn’t mean you don’t discuss uncomfortable things, but my rule of thumbs are:
If I have critical feedback about a team, I start by sharing that feedback with the leader of that team.
If I have critical feedback about an individual contributor, I start with their direct manager.
If I have critical feedback about a leader, I start by directly giving them feedback, and if I don’t see any change, then I go to their direct manager.
Bottom line is, if you decide to give tough feedback, do it right. Don’t try to play Game of Thrones by whispering in people’s ears. You are not Varys.
Trash Talk - Managers often feel there is a pecking order. They feel their bosses have favorites. It is somewhat true. Some managers try to get on the favorite list by throwing shade on their peers in front of their boss. However, keep in mind that leaders become favorites with their bosses because they do two things well: 1) They have a generally good attitude about things, and 2) They get stuff done.
Also, people fall in and out of the favorite list all the time. So you don’t have to throw shade on someone and try to force them off the favorites list. All you have to do is deliver wins for your bosses/company, and you will automatically get into the favorites list and be given additional responsibilities. The best bosses, however, don’t have any favorites; instead, they treat every leader/individual separately and customize their interactions with them. But the bottom line is, you don’t have to step on someone to climb the ladder. Just deliver value, and you will automatically move up.
Turncoats - Some managers try to build relationships by taking sides. In private conversations, they might say things like, ‘I will support you when you bring this up publicly’ because they think that they are backing a leader whose idea will win, and they can ride the coattails of the winning leader to their next promotion. The problem is, not all ideas are winning ideas. Sometimes they get shot down. Not all leaders are great, either.
In general, I recommend taking the approach of not taking sides with a person, but forming a stance after thoroughly considering the surrounding facts. And if the facts prove you wrong, it is OK to change your mind because you are not anchored on a person but the idea the person is presenting. However, when you change your mind, you have to feel comfortable admitting that in public and explaining your reasons. The one exception to this is disagree and commit moments. If the group decides to go in a direction you are not aligned with and you have already said your piece, get ready to stop complaining about it and commit to supporting the execution of that idea or strategy.
Paint over failures - A common leadership flaw that I have observed in many leaders, including some very famous ones: A strong desire to appear infallible. They try to paint over failures or twist debacles as successes, or if everything fails, blame someone else for the failure. Never forget that you are holding it the wrong way. If you didn’t get the reference, just Google it :)
Always remember that your team will mimic your energy. By giving yourself permission to talk about failures publicly and learning from them, you are giving your team permission to do the same. If you try to hide or paint over failures, your team will do the same. In the long run, this will create a culture of being risk-averse, which will slow down innovation. In the worst case, it will prompt people to openly deflect blame onto others because they don’t feel comfortable taking responsibility for their failures.
It is somewhat true that publicly discussing failures will bring down the overall morale of the team. It is also true that some members of your team might question your judgment. However, an organization and a leader who can embrace failures in the right way will create a team that can innovate faster because they are comfortable with risks and are constantly learning from their mistakes.
Walled Garden - I am sure you all have encountered these teams. The manager tightly controls all information that goes in and out. The team members are extremely comfortable in their roles and are hesitant to say anything critical about their team. There are strict protocols to engage with the team. The deliverables are carefully crafted. Nobody really knows what their roadmap looks like. Basically, everything about the team screams, ‘We are closed to change, and we don’t accept feedback, and we won’t collaborate’.
A dead giveaway of a walled garden is when the team manager consistently refuses external help, even when they clearly need it to deliver on their commitments. Sometimes it might make sense to refuse help because the onboarding cost might be unacceptable, but if a manager consistently refuses external help, it means they are trying to prevent anyone external from spotting the skeletons inside the team.
My hypothesis about why managers go through the effort of creating walled gardens is that they want a level of control. They believe that by creating a team inside a fortress, they can ensure consistent growth and opportunities for themselves. At best, they will create stagnation, and at worst, they risk being let go by a boss who gets tired of their closed nature.
Every manager should want the best for their team and themselves. It is completely OK to ensure every member of your team (including yourself) has plenty of growth opportunities that will lead to promotions and pay raises. But walled gardens are not the way to do it. The right way to do it is to constantly assess if the problem your team is focused on solving is worth it for the company. Invite other leaders into the conversation. Ask for feedback on your goals, operating procedures, etc. And if it ever seems like your team is focusing on the wrong problem or is taking the wrong approach to solving it, be open to change. Pro-tip: Bigger and better opportunities will always present themselves when you are constantly focused on automating your way out of a job.
Avoid adopting any of these dark management patterns, and you will grow into phenomenal leaders. Until next time!
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